


Giving up on you

by KendraPendragon



Series: My tumblr writing [17]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, giving up hope, this is a sad one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 19:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16069544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KendraPendragon/pseuds/KendraPendragon
Summary: “If either of them had known what I feel for you, it would have been you with a bomb strapped around your chest. It would have been you on the assassin’s list. And it would have been you in the fire…I can’t let this happen. Never.”His jaw clenches again and his look lingers on her lips. She can almost feel his heart pound against his chest.“A world without you in it is a thought I can not bear.”Her lip quivers. She knows exactly how he feels.“You are my biggest secret, Molly Hooper.”





	Giving up on you

Her head rests on top of the backrest of her couch. It is turned to the side so she can look at the man sitting next to her. He is talking without taking a breath, about what she doesn’t know. All her attention is focused on how the sunlight shining through her window is changing the colour of his black curls and the blue in his eyes. A little dot of light is dancing along the line of his cupid’s bow as he speaks.

To this day, he is the beautiful man she is ever seen. Not only on the outside, but the inside as well.

She knows him so well. It scares her at times at how easily she can read him, how effortlessly she can see through the protective armour of arrogance, indifference and rudeness. Underneath all this lies the man she is in love with. This beautiful human being that is so afraid to love, to get hurt and to lose the ones he let himself love.

A part of her could understand the decisions he made long ago. He chose the thing he understood, the concept he could grasp and analyse. Logic is clear, black and white. There aren’t any grey areas. So unlike love. It’s confusing and so painful at times.

Tears fill her eyes.

So painful.

Logically, Sherlock has done the right thing. He has pushed all this away from him.

How she wishes she could do it, too. But it’s too late for her. The love for him has become a part of her and was thickly woven through the fibres of her heart. Trying to untangle the mess would cause her heart to break.

God knows she has tried to. For two years.

Her thumb brushes along her empty ring finger.

She has tried to trick her heart into thinking it has been wrong, that it loved another man, that it wasn’t to late.

How foolish she has been.

 

It all became clear to hear that day when she was standing in the hallway of this train-enthusiast and he had looked at her with these beautiful eyes.

They’ve been so full of sadness. It had hurt so much.

She had seen it, then.

The love that was hers and hers alone.

He loves her just as much as she does him. Maybe even more.

He was a selfish man and yet he had put on a brave smile and wished her well.

He had let her go.

And now they are sitting on her couch, pretending that it isn’t there anymore, that they are friends. Nothing more. Never more.

“You know when I decided to break up with Tom?” she whispers before she can stop herself.

Normally, Sherlock wouldn’t pay her a cent of attention in the middle of one of his rants about whatnot, but somehow he has heard her and instantly falls silent.

He turns his body so he can look down at her.

So beautiful.

A sad smile plays around her lips.

“Remember the day in the hallway?”

She can see his jaw muscles clench.

“You said goodbye to us.”

Sherlock’s eyelids flutter. His breathing flattens and his whole body stiffens.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t understand?”

Her voice is shaking.

His lips quiver only a second.

When she blinks, a tear escapes the lashes and rolls down her cheek, landing on the grey couch.

“I’m so tired, Sherlock.”

Her eyes search his, but he is focusing on the dark spot on the couch next to her cheek.

“I can’t keep pretending. It hurts too much, being so close to you and yet so far away.”

Another tear rolls over her flushed cheekbone.

“Not being aloud to touch you. To hold you. To…”

Her eyes land on his full lips.

The pain is killing her. She needs him so badly. She needs something to go on.

Letting out a breath of air, she lifts her head.

She kisses him.

Tenderly her lips meet his.

She feels the warmth of his skin.

His breath hits her cheek.

Her nose brushes over his.

His full lips are exquisitely soft.

He kisses her back.

So tenderly.

She can taste everything in this one, innocent kiss.

The love.

The pain.

The longing.

The fear.

Too much fear.

After a little eternity, Molly forces herself to part from him again.

Instantly, the warmth which has filled her heart leaves her.

She is cold again.

But his eyes keep burning as he looks at her, long and intensely, tears stinging in his eyes until they are blinked away.

She can see the physical reactions of his inner struggle.

Flat breathing.

Parted lips.

Gulping.

He presses his lips together.

“I rather see you happy with another man than being in danger because of my feelings for you, Molly.”

Her heart cringes. His voice is as soft as she’s never heard it before and it stabs her heart.

“You know what Moriarty and Magnussen have done to John to get to me.”

His eyes roam over her face. She can see he longs to touch her. He doesn’t dare.

“If either of them had known…”

His voice breaks.

He squeezes his eyes shut.

She absorbs his warmth and takes deep breaths of his scent.

She knows she will never be allowed to be so close to him.

When his eyes open and focus on her again, her heart is stabbed again.

“If either of them had known what I feel for you, it would have been you with a bomb strapped around your chest. It would have been you on the assassin’s list. And it would have been you in the fire…I can’t let this happen. Never.”

His jaw clenches again and his look lingers on her lips. She can almost feel his heart pound against his chest.

“A world without you in it is a thought I can not bear.”

Her lip quivers. She knows exactly how he feels.

“You are my biggest secret, Molly Hooper.”

Their eyes melt into each other.

Her heart wants to burst when he finally touches her, the tips of his fingers caressing her cheek.

“Sherlock…”

He kisses her then, long and deep and with a tenderness that shakes her to the core.

When they part for air, he rests his forehead against hers, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Please, Molly. Be happy.”

She closes her eyes.

Can’t he understand that she can only be happy, truly happy, with him by her side? Hasn’t the past years taught him anything.

A part of her wants to tell him this. A part of her wants to try to convince him that this is stupid, that she can take care of herself, that she would rather be in his arms for one night and be dead the next day than spend the rest of her life existing like this.

But she knows him. Once Sherlock Holmes has made up his mind, he wasn’t convinced otherwise.

In this considerations that made him come to this conclusion, he hadn’t considered her feelings.

After all, he is a selfish man.

And she is exhausted. So exhausted.

This kiss must be enough, she thinks as she leans back and leaves the cocoon of his warmth.

She is another person when she stands up, leaving her hopes with him on the couch.

She walks into her bedroom and silently closes the door without another look.

She can’t.

She’s given up.


End file.
